The school year is in full swing—teens have signed up for clubs, sports seasons are underway, and midterms have come and gone. It’s about this time that families begin to ask, "Have we found the right balance?" The delicate juggling act of academics, extracurriculars, and personal well-being can quickly turn overwhelming if not carefully managed. So, how do you know if your teen's schedule has hit the right balance between structured and unstructured time? How do you weigh whether that one more activity is genuinely beneficial or simply a stressor? More importantly, how can you help your teen avoid burnout?

This blog will provide practical tips and questions for both teens and parents, focusing on how to maintain balance and foster well-being during the busy school year. Together, we’ll explore strategies to assess if your teen’s commitments are aligned with their values and offer ways to cope with the inevitable stress that arises.

Understanding the Balancing Act

Shiny Object Syndrome

In high school, the "shiny object syndrome" is all too common. With pressure mounting to build an impressive college application, it can be tempting to say "yes" to everything. The allure of signing up for that extra club, another AP class, or an additional volunteer role can cloud the reality of how much time, energy, and mental space your teen truly has available.

Encouraging your teen to ask themselves, "Is this activity something I genuinely care about, or is it just another shiny object?" is key. If the motivation for adding an extra commitment comes from a place of fear—fear of not getting into a top college, fear of falling behind—it's important to pause and reflect. Not every activity needs to have a direct impact on a college application to be valuable. In fact, prioritizing meaningful activities over quantity often results in more personal fulfillment and long-term success.

Structured vs. Unstructured Time

Another crucial aspect of balance is the distinction between structured and unstructured time. Structured time refers to activities with clear expectations and schedules, such as school, sports, and clubs. Unstructured time is open-ended—whether it’s hanging out with friends, creative play, or simply resting, it allows for spontaneity and relaxation.

Teens need both types of time to thrive. Too much structured time can lead to burnout, while too much unstructured time may leave teens feeling directionless. A healthy balance promotes academic achievement, personal growth, and emotional resilience.

Photo downloaded from Unsplash 10/2024 by Renáta-Adrienn

Questions to Help Teens Assess Balance

Here are some guiding questions to help teens reflect on their current commitments and priorities:

1. What Are Your Values?

It's easy to get swept up in the busyness of high school without ever stopping to ask, "What do I value?" Encourage your teen to explore their core values—what truly matters to them? Are they passionate about learning, creativity, helping others, or building community? Once they’ve identified their values, it becomes easier to make decisions about which activities align with those values and which may be more distracting than beneficial.

2. Are You Overcommitting?

Burnout is real, and it can creep up on teens who overextend themselves. Ask your teen to consider whether they are taking on too much:

How do you feel at the end of the day—energized or drained?
Are you able to fully engage in each activity, or are you just "going through the motions"?
What is your stress level like on a daily basis? Sometimes asking a scaling question can help (on a scale from 1-10, 10 being high, how stressed are you?)

Encouraging teens to tune into these feelings can help them avoid the pitfalls of overcommitment and lead them to make more intentional choices.

3. What Are the Signs of Burnout?

Teens should be able to recognize the signs of burnout so they can adjust their schedule before reaching a breaking point. Some common symptoms include:

Chronic fatigue
Difficulty concentrating
Frequent mood swings
Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
Increased anxiety or feelings of overwhelm

If your teen is exhibiting these signs, it might be time to re-evaluate their commitments, see where they might be able to shift how they’re carrying out these commitments and if not, discuss where they might be able to cut back in order to focus on priorities.

Photo downloaded from Pexels 10/2024 by Kaboompics.com

Questions for Parents

Parents play a key role in helping their teens navigate the balancing act of high school. Here are some questions to guide you in making informed decisions:

1. Do Your Research

It's important to have an accurate understanding of what colleges are actually looking for in applicants. While high achievement in academics and extracurriculars is certainly valuable, it’s a myth that students need to do everything to stand out. Encourage your teen to pursue their passions and focus on depth rather than breadth.

Take time to explore which activities truly add value to their development and college application versus those that may simply add unnecessary pressure.

2. Are You Able to Support Your Teen’s Commitments?

As a parent, it's important to assess not only whether your teen can handle an additional activity but also whether you can support them in this endeavor. Consider practicalities such as transportation, financial costs, and whether you can provide emotional support through busy schedules and stressful moments.

Remember, part of supporting your teen is teaching them how to be responsible for their commitments—including the possibility of failure. If your teen does decide to pursue an extra commitment, can they manage it without becoming overly dependent on your involvement? Learning to navigate challenges and setbacks is an important part of personal growth.

3. How Do You Know When to Step In?

There’s a fine line between helping your teen and stepping in too early. Allow your teen the space to handle their responsibilities and figure things out for themselves. At the same time, if you notice signs of burnout or chronic stress, it might be time to have a conversation about reducing their load. Setting clear boundaries about your role as a parent can foster independence while ensuring your teen knows they have a safety net if needed.

Photos from Pexels 10/2024. Top Left by Monstera Production. Top Right by Katerina Holmes. Bottom Left by Kindel Media. Bottom Right by Zen Chung.

Finding Balance: Actionable Steps

Achieving balance is an ongoing process. Here are some tips for both teens and parents to maintain well-being and avoid burnout:

1. Measure Your "Cup"

Imagine you start each day with a full cup representing your energy, mental focus, and emotional resilience. Each task or commitment throughout the day takes a sip from that cup. If your schedule is packed with activities that drain you, your cup may be empty long before the day is over. Ask yourself:

Will this activity deplete or fill my cup?
If it depletes my cup, how do I plan to replenish my energy?

Replenishing your cup through self-care is essential to prevent burnout, which leads us to the next point.

2. Complete the Stress Cycle

In their book Burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski describe the importance of completing the stress cycle. When stress builds, it’s important to find ways to release it. Some effective methods include:

Physical activity (exercise, sports, dancing)
Deep breathing- at least 5-7 deep breaths going in through the nose and filling up both diaphragm and abdomen; exhaling deeply and finding a rhythm before stopping.
Laughter- a full laugh from your abdomen
Crying- specifically focusing on the sensation of crying and not getting caught up in the thinking associated with the sensation.
Positive social interaction (hugs, talking with a friend)
Creative expression- writing poetry, journaling or short stories, drawing/painting, signing or playing music, cooking

These small but meaningful practices help teens (and parents!) relieve stress and restore balance.

3. Ask for Help

Teens often struggle with the idea of asking for help, but no one is meant to do everything alone. Whether it’s talking to a teacher, reaching out to a peer, or seeking support from family, it’s important to know that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

When asking for help, it’s key to:

Be specific and clear about what you need
Ask in a respectful manner
Be prepared to hear "no" and know that it's okay to ask someone else; have a back up plan

Photos 1 & 5 downloaded from Pexels 10/2024. Photos 2,3,4 downloaded from Unsplash 10/2024. 1- Cottonbro Studio. 2- HLS 44. 3- Naassom Azevedo. 4- James Kovin. 5- Olia Danilevich

Conclusion: How Patch Counseling Can Help

Balancing academics, extracurriculars, and self-care is a lifelong skill that requires practice, reflection, and support. At Patch Counseling, we specialize in helping teens navigate these challenges. Whether it's developing better time management strategies, learning how to cope with stress, or aligning daily choices with core values, we are here to support teens and their families through this journey.

If you or your teen are struggling to find balance, don’t hesitate to reach out. We offer individual counseling tailored to help teens and young adults thrive, emotionally and academically. Contact Patch Counseling to learn more about how we can support you.

Shiny object syndrome is when someone feels the urge to take on new activities or commitments simply because they seem appealing, without considering whether they align with their values or available time. It’s important to stay focused on what truly matters instead of chasing every opportunity.
Signs that your teen may be overcommitting include chronic fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and a lack of interest in things they once enjoyed. If they seem overwhelmed or stretched too thin, it may be time to reevaluate their schedule.
Structured time is dedicated to activities with clear goals and schedules, such as school or sports. Unstructured time is more flexible and open-ended, allowing teens to relax and recharge through activities like reading, hanging out with friends, or creative play.
To avoid burnout, practice self-care regularly. Activities like physical activity, deep breathing, creative expression, and connecting with others can help release stress and refill your energy reserves. It’s also important to set realistic limits and ask for help when needed.
At Patch Counseling, we specialize in working with teens to manage stress, build resilience, and find balance between school and extracurricular activities. We offer a supportive, judgment-free space where teens can explore their challenges and develop coping strategies. Contact us.

Navigating High School: Balancing Academics, Extracurriculars, and Self-Care